The List
by Teenage Mouse
Summary: He would listen closely and pay attention, and any time Albus said one of those things that made Scorpius's heart flutter he would remember it, and keep count. And hopefully, at the end of it, it would all add up to mean 'I love you.'
1. When will I see you again?

1.

Scorpius Malfoy was in love with Albus Potter, and he kind of thought Albus might be in love with him, too.

And that was about it, really. Rather a short story, but as good as it was going to get. ' _Maybe Albus likes me back! Hooray! Time to do nothing about it for the rest of my life!_ '

The situation was just too delicate, too precarious, for Scorpius to risk saying anything based on a hunch. They were best friends—beyond that even, after all they'd been through together—and Scorpius wasn't willing to bet that relationship on a theory. Especially when it may all just be wishful thinking on his part.

It was just so hard to tell! Maybe it was because they were each other's only real friend, so Albus only _seemed_ particularly nice to Scorpius because he didn't spend his time and attention on anyone else. Or maybe it was because Albus treated everyone else with aloof disdain, so anytime he was kind to Scorpius it seemed more special in contrast.

Whatever the case, there was just no guarantee that Albus felt the same. Even when Scorpius felt so sure of it—that Albus was flirting, that his gaze was just a bit too hopeful, his touch too lingering—was he willing to face the consequences of saying anything out loud?

For a long time, Scorpius had pictured his situation as if he were standing on the edge of a cliff, being battered by the four winds. But today, sitting on the Hogwarts Express with Albus on their way home for the summer holidays, he realised it wasn't actually like that at all. Instead, it was like being on a train, without knowing where it was taking him.

He realised it as he tried to look at Albus's reflection inconspicuously in the window. (It was a bit safer than staring openly at the boy sitting opposite him.) One second, the light was just right, and he could see Albus's reflection quite clearly. The next, there was a flair of bright sunshine, and the boy was replaced by the countryside of southern England outside. For a moment, Scorpius was disoriented. Hadn't they just been steaming through the Yorkshire Dales? It must have been a few hours since he had looked out the window properly (not that he'd been staring at Albus all that time, mind you, just that they'd been talking, then Scorpius had done some reading, so he hadn't really been paying attention). The train might have whisked him away to some new destination without him even noticing.

And that was when it struck him. _This_ was what it felt like to be in love with Albus, and not know what to do about it.

On this magical, imagined railway journey in his mind, it was a train that could take him anywhere at all. But because he sat facing the opposite direction that the train was going, he could only see where he'd been and not what lay ahead. And he could get off whenever he wanted, all he had to do was ask the train to stop—but the catch was, he wouldn't know where the train had taken him until he opened the carriage door. Either he'd end up in the land of his wildest dreams...or arrive at the end of the world.

The only way to know was to get off the train.

But, of course, Scorpius wasn't going to hop off blithely. He had experience of randomly jumping off magical trains into the unknown, and he wasn't going to be doing _that_ again any time soon.

But even though he may not be able to tell where the train was taking him, there was one thing Scorpius _did_ know: he was ready to get off. No matter where he ended up.

Fifth year at Hogwarts had been way too stressful—living every day trying to hide his feelings, panicking over whether he was going to slip up and admit something, driving himself crazy wondering if Albus felt the same way about him, too. Even if Albus rejected him, life had to be better without this weight hanging over him. And yes, it could go wrong in a lot of ways, but as worried as Scorpius was about the train taking him to 'the end of the world,' when he thought about it rationally he just couldn't imagine Albus abandoning him completely. They could probably still be friends (after an awkward grace period, perhaps), and then Scorpius would be off that imaginary train and able to make a new life for himself in the world beyond.

He probably should have confessed before the summer holidays, Scorpius knew. He and Albus weren't going to be seeing each other at all until September 1st, so if it had all gone horribly they would have had plenty of time to brood over the summer, and maybe come back to school ready to be friends again.

But Scorpius just hadn't been able to bring himself to say anything.

It was all very well knowing that it was the right thing to do, but he hated the _not knowing._ Was he going to have a long, heartbroken summer? Or was Albus going to run into his arms and admit he'd felt the same way all along? Both outcomes required careful preparation—a lot of sweets and tragic romance novels to get him through the first option, and...well, the second would probably require a lot of sweets and books, too. He would need sugar to see him through a lonely summer without Albus, and did they make books on how to be somebody's boyfriend? He would have to do a lot of research so that he was ready to transition smoothly from best friend to boyfriend in September.

If only there was a way to guess where the train might take him, just to help him prepare for the aftermath. If he arrived at the end of the world, he'd rather have a bag of provisions with him. (Again, he had experience of being in a hopeless situation with nothing but the clothes on his back, and he wasn't going to be doing that again _either_ any time soon.) And if, by some miracle, he had inadvertently managed to get Albus to fall in love with him, he certainly didn't want to mess it up at the final hurdle by not knowing how to kiss and go on dates!

What he needed, Scorpius realised, was evidence.

Evidence of how Albus felt, one way or the other, for better or for worse. And then, when he finally did confess, he would at least be able to make an educated guess about how things might go, and how he might deal with the weeks, or months, to come until life settled down again.

Perhaps over the summer holiday he could try to piece together some ideas, come up with a game plan. A way to figure out _how_ to figure out how Albus felt about him. As sad as he was that he wouldn't be seeing his best friend for two whole months, it was just what he needed right now: it would be a lot easier to think about this stuff clearly without Albus around. (Not only was Albus a bit of a distraction in general, but Scorpius also tended to worry that if he thought about his secret feelings too much then Albus might be able to hear him.)

Still, Scorpius thought wistfully as Albus's reflection flashed clearly into the train window again, he didn't like the idea of being without his best friend all summer long. And even though Albus may be a constant distraction when he was around, it remained to be seen whether Scorpius could actually focus on anything (or even remember how to fucntion) when he wasn't.

They had had plans to meet up as usual, but the Potter family were taking several trips, and Scorpius's own father had planned a whirlwind international adventure for the two of them, stopping at famous magical sites around the world (both magical _and_ Muggle, to satisfy Scorpius's general history nerdiness). Albus and Scorpius had been comparing these plans as they were confirmed in bits and pieces by their parents, and neither of them had said it out loud but they had both realised that there wouldn't be time to meet up this summer.

It would be the longest they'd ever gone without each other since the day they'd met, and neither of them wanted to think about it. So they just hadn't discussed it at all.

 _When am I going to see you again?_ Scorpius wondered, as he gazed at his friend's reflection in the window. He was almost glad Albus hadn't brought it up and tried to confirm plans to meet, because Scorpius was sure he would have looked suspiciously heartbroken when things didn't work out, or he'd have blurted out something stupid like ' _I miss you already!_ '

The only way Scorpius could even put up with the idea of this Albus-less summer was because he knew he needed to some time to think and strategise.

But being without Albus also meant Scorpius needed to get a good, long last look at at his friend now. He had photos, of course, but he couldn't be pulling them out every three seconds like he'd be wanting to do all summer he was travelling with this dad.

He tried to focus back on Albus's reflection in the window, but the light was too bright now. All he could see was the scenery outside, and he realised they were entering London. The buildings grew taller and closer together, and other trains began to pass by them as the Hogwart Express's secret, invisible track grew closer to all the others going to and from King's Cross.

Scorpius turned to look at the real Albus in front of him, and let him know they should start collecting their bags. That was when he noticed Albus was acting very strange. He was scowling down at nothing, his eyes unseeing, fists clenched on his knees as one leg bounced uncontrollably in a nervous twitch.

Scorpius reached out automatically and placed a hand on top of Albus's jittering knee.

Albus stilled instantly and looked up. His scowl disappeared when he met Scorpius's concerned eyes. Now he just looked...lost.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, looking away timidly.

'What is it?' Scorpius asked.

'When am I going to see you again?' Albus blurted out.

Scorpius's heart leapt painfully, excitedly into his throat.

 _How could Albus not be in love with him?! It was so obvious! People didn't just_ say _things like that!_

 _...But what if Scorpius was just reading too much into it because that was how_ he _felt? Maybe Albus was just concerned because he hated spending time with his family, and he was wishing Scorpius could be around that summer to break up all that Potter-bonding time._

Scorpius blinked at Albus for a few seconds, and then squeezed the other boy's knee.

'September 1st,' he said, with a rueful smile and a shrug of his shoulder.

Albus smiled back, a breathy laugh escaping him. 'That sucks.'

'It does, indeed.'

The next fifteen minutes were spent cramming books and jumpers back into their bags, tidying up their compartment of sweet wrappers, heaving suitcases down from the overhead racks. And some time between all that and arriving on Platform 9 ¾, Scorpius had his plan.

 _When am I going to see you again?_

As far as Scorpius was concerned, that was evidence. It was the kind of thing you said to someone you loved—he knew that because he'd thought those very same words about Albus earlier. If he could just gather enough evidence like this—little comments and remarks that he might offer himself out of love—then he'd have his answer. But how many should he aim for on this list?

365 would be nice—one for every day of the year. That would be some good, strong evidence. But it was too many: he wanted to confess sooner than later so he could put an end to all this. (Or a beginning, if all went well!) There were 176 days until the start of Christmas break, and he wanted to do it by then. But that was still too much, and so was a more even 150—they weren't going to be together for the next 60 days, so those couldn't really count.

So what about a nice round 100?

Yes, that sounded just right. He would listen closely, and pay attention, and any time Albus said one of those things that made Scorpius's heart flutter he would remember it and keep count. And hopefully, at the end of it, it would all add up to mean ' _I love you._ '

And when Scorpius stopped that magical train that was speeding him along to somewhere new, hopefully he would arrive with Albus there waiting for him.

* * *

A/N:

Ths is based on the 'One Hundred Ways to Say "I Love You"' writing prompt, although I have adapated the original list for my own purposes. I can't post the link here, but you can find it via Google.

Sorry this chapter is so introspective and prologue-y. The rest will have a lot more dialogue, but I just had to set up the foundation of the list in this chapter.

I have a few other Scorbus fic ideas in the works which have actual plot, and I'm really keen to start on those. But it's been four years since I've written any serious fanfiction, so I wanted a little writing exercise to get back into the swing of it before I attempt my multi-chapter fics. So this story is basically just for myself, for fun/practice, and I will only be updating sporadically. The restof the chapters will be a lot shorter, and I also can't guarantee they will be edited very well. I tend to get stuck trying to reword and move things around - so if I don't just press on, I get bogged down and never actually publish anything. And I thought it was better to just to get on with this even at the risk of having some overly wordy paragraphs, than not to publish anything at all. I just want to contribute to the Scorbus fandom!


	2. I miss you already

2.

Scorpius hadn't expected to be able to add to his list so soon.

He'd placed ' _When am I going to see you again?_ ' at the top of his mental list (he didn't need to write it down, he wouldn't forget something so wonderful!) and assumed he'd just be repeating it over and over in his head until school started again in September and he could maybe start adding a few more phrases to his list.

But just four days into his summer holiday he received a letter that said ' _I miss you already._ '

It was just too perfect. This one was going on the list.

He knew that Albus was probably only saying this because even four days was too much for him around his family. Scorpius was still at home and able to relax and do whatever he wanted, but Albus had been whisked off almost straight from King's Cross to Shell Cottage, where he'd be spending two weeks in the clutches of his extended family. Scorpius could only dream of such a thing, but for Albus it was a nightmare. The grass was always greener, and all that.

So Scorpius was pretty sure Albus didn't really mean anything by his confession, and it was probably more exasperated than romantic.

But hey, it still made Scorpius smile until his face hurt, and he'd take what he could get.

* * *

A/N:

I said future chapters would be shorter and here you go! I said they would have more dialogue and...I forgot that the next couple of chapters are set during summer so they're not actually together. My bad!

But I will be doing at least one chapter as a series of letter exchanges between Albus and Scorpius because letter-writing fics are my enitre life.


End file.
